My mom is having yet another surgery tomorrow. This will be the second in the last 10 days unless of course you want to count the 2 biopsies before that and then we would be up to 4 procedures.
Tomorrow's procedure is to perform a biopsy of the lymph nodes and to try to get clean margins where the cancer is. The scan on Monday shows that it appears to only be in the one breast for now.
I am counting the days until I see my doctor. I could really use some clinical reassurance that my breasts are changing because I am aging and losing weight and for no other reason.
The funny thing about cancer is everyone has a story. You tell them that your mom has breast cancer and they all offer you some story of someone they know that had it and made it though. I know that these stories are meant to be reassuring but it's hard to hear them. They are all of someone you don't know, a stranger. Someone who is outside your whacked up family.
My mom is still adament about celebrating my birthday this Sunday ( a week late) even though she is having surgery on Thursday. I don't know who she is trying harder to prove nothing will change to, me or her. I love her for it but it seems so weird. I mean, I feel a little like time should stop until this is over. Is that wrong?
I bought a fish the day we found out my mom had cancer. I called my sister to talk about it and my mom answered her phone. I was trying to navigate the parking lot around East Towne and my mom goes, "I have cancer". Luckily I had it together enough to get into a parking spot where it hit me fully what she said. So there I sat, in the parking lot at Jc Penny, sobbing. That is how I found it. Funny thing is, I don't think I'll forget that. The weird part was as I was driving home, it looked like the sun was trying to come out. That seemed wrong but at the same time like some omen like everything was going to be ok.
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